"The Pirate"

A guy was talking to a Pirate (The Pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch):

Guy: What happened to your leg?

Pirate: Well...It was a stormy night, the main spar fell on me leg. Me ship was headed for the rocks, I had to takes me faithful pocket knife and cut me leg off so's I could steer me ship away from the rocks.

Guy: What happened to your hand?

Pirate: Well...I was fishin', got too close to the water when a big ol' shark came along and bit me hand clean off. Got this nifty hook when we got to port.

Guy: What about your eye?

Pirate: Well...I was lookin' up when this sea gull shit in me eye.

Guy: Surely that didn't cause you to lose an eye?

Pirate: Well...Ya see, it was me first day with the hook....