A guy was talking to a Pirate (The Pirate has a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch):
Guy: What happened to your leg?
Pirate: Well...It was a stormy night, the main spar fell on me leg. Me ship was headed for the rocks, I had to takes me faithful pocket knife and cut me leg off so's I could steer me ship away from the rocks.
Guy: What happened to your hand?
Pirate: Well...I was fishin', got too close to the water when a big ol' shark came along and bit me hand clean off. Got this nifty hook when we got to port.
Guy: What about your eye?
Pirate: Well...I was lookin' up when this sea gull shit in me eye.
Guy: Surely that didn't cause you to lose an eye?
Pirate: Well...Ya see, it was me first day with the hook....